Bagpuss

I’m looking at reasons to move to Switzerland. The flag is a big plus…

The trouble with making lots of jokes about opticians is that they get cornèa and cornea!

Sad news from the Nestlé factory today. A worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking. He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" his colleagues cheered...

BBC BREAKING NEWS :- Little Red Riding Hood has been found in a critical condition. Paramedics have stabilised her, but she's not out of the woods yet...

A man is in court today charged with damaging books by putting Tippex on all the full stops. He’s expecting a long sentence…

I was walking down the road this morning when someone threw a big bottle of Omega 3 pills at me. Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.

My friend asked me what I was doing hiding in the wardrobe. I said "Narnia business"!

I was walking home when a man threw milk over me. He then threw cheese at me and finally some butter. I thought "how dairy..."

Last week my doctor told me I'm colour blind. I must say the result came right out of the green...

My husband bought me a wooden leg for Christmas. It's not my main present... just a stocking filler...

I swapped our bed for a trampoline yesterday. My husband hit the roof.

Last night I dreamt I was weightless. I was like 0mg!

Last night I awoke to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor in my bedroom. At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

Test - could someone please reply?

Happy Bubble and Squeak Day xx

Rain. It must be Glastonbury week!!!

Jason on Sport Relief! <3

I can noticeably hear the 'dawn chorus' from my lounge this morning. Summer is on its way! (Happy pancake day, everyone!)

DoctorKK's Christmas single out today!

BREAKING NEWS: Scientists sneak up on Periodic Table, add element of Surprise...

It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey. But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about!

I knew staying awake to watch the Stones was a mistake. Zzzzzz!

182 days to Christmas!

Large glug of brandy and then bed, methinks!